the answer must be out there somewhere

i'm here in ankara, waiting for my train trip to begin in... roughly two hours! i've met my family and friends. we had long chats. i ate amounts more than humanly possible. i went to some places around the city. but i couldn't find any answers to my questions yet. i know i'm being ambiguous, but just wait for a couple of days. i missed my home-office as well!

wish me luck with the ultra-boring 6-hour trip. yeah, i do read books but after a point that does no good either.

impaciencia

today i sent my mom's cover design to the publisher. my fingers are crossed. i feel it, this time they won't be able to screw things.

i am hopefully going to my hometown in a couple of days, if the train ticket gods have left me a seat. i think i haven't gone there for ages. hihi that city (ankara, to be exact) is like kind of a temple for me. i need to revolve around the places i spent my childhood and early adulthood, looking for a trace of past. i need to see that it still remains the same, no matter how far i go and how stupid things i do. yeah, of course it doesn't.

my god! how i missed working in 3d... virtual space, wait for me!

spontaneity

i think i might have broken my hip while running. naah, i think it would hurt a little more if i did so.

as you are thinking that you've got it all figured out, and you believe that you are realising your plan day by day, something comes up from out of nowhere that smashes it all down. something unplanned and that you have no control over. then you wake up from your little illusion and think 'wow, i'd better make the best of my time around here! it's not infinite, i guess.' you have to be reminded of that again and again and again. how stupid.

here, have some pears from our garden. fresh and organic. no worms included.

headphones

please don't be cross with me. i have a lot on my shoulders right now. tons of things to do. it's not that i'm out of things to write, but i just can't seem to focus. i'm like a child right now, with an attention span of less than 15 minutes. huh? meanwhile, let me entertain you with this little gal (how do we understand that it's a she? well i don't need to prove to you, she just is. grr.) another piece of my soon-to-be-website-blog-combo-box. cheers!

zona prohibida

this is all i can show right now from the new design of my blog and website. a small sneak peek. i will try to combine those two; both physically and designwise. is that possible? i think i will have to learn a lot of css for that. can we call css the big brother of html?(excuse me for the ultra technical references!) yet another session of learning new programs for me. sigh.

the website is progressing, though not as fast as i want it to. you know i constantly have the famous freelancer's dilemma of trying to motivate myself when nobody wants anything from me yet. but when i don't come up with new things to offer, nobody will want anything from me anyway. it's a snake trying to eat its own tail. i have to make him spit it out! the dilemma might not be famous at all.

honey rocks

agg! i need to reconstruct my website, together with my blog. pretty much work to do. i should have done it years ago. i also added a blogroll, which is quite miserable right now, with only two blogs, and one has not even been updated in four months! one step at a time, no?

this is one lovely spot in nature. it is called ballikayalar. i'm not giving a google map link, because i am lazy. the trail between the hills was quite enjoyable. we had to da a lot of jumping over rocks and dangerous waters:)

such a happy little life

yesterday i made a quick research on different textiles. i will continue with some field study. hm.

i also watched revolutionary road. i am a little disappointed with the ending, but overall it was really nice. what an appropriate movie for me at this time of the year! have you watched?

fully booked

this is roughly what my mom's new book is going to look like. i'm not sure about some points; whether i should remove the square that overlaps the title or whether the illustration looks really shitty. i'm not sure about the colors, either. the text on the back cover is the same one from the last book. that is going to change when the new text arrives. you see, i am in such a determined state:)

edit: i think this one is more like it. let's see what mom thinks...

endless repetitions

my lovely dear shopping bag is finished. i had to sew it again and again and again, until the constant 'ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta' clatter of the machine was filling my nightmares. you can't believe how stupid mistakes i made along the way (should i turn this backwards? oops-wrong side!). my next steps will be doing a lot of paranoid investigations. can i have it produced? in what volumes? at what price? who is going to be interested in it? those are some unanswered questions for now. but hey, if all questions were answered, it would be such a boring life, wouldn't it?

i think it might be around 45 degrees inside (i couldn't find the stupid 'degree' sign on the keyboard, do you know which key to stroke?) i need to go on with a lot of other work; my mom's book cover for one, but i'm kind of cooked right now. more images and animations are about to come, so stay tuned!

concrete

don't let your self-confidence shake near electronic devices (edit: terrible grammar!!). they sense it immediately and bam! your work becomes a mess. i am at the very last turn with my dear shopping bag project. just a few more alterations, and i'm done. then, suddenly, i have doubt in my mind.

meric-'should i sew this a little slower, so that i've got more control over the stitches; so that i am less likely to make a mistake?'
sewing machine-'a-ha! did she say mistake? i sense weakness. hahaha!' and then the guy completely destroys my hours long work in a split second. folds of fabric on top of each other, ten thousand stitches on the same point, threads sticking out from everywhere.

do you feel that too? when you have the tiniest bit of self-doubt, does it all go wrong suddenly?

trees again?

once again it is time for me to design a book cover for my mom. she is doing it again! hehe she is one of my most consistent customers:D i hope this time the publishers do get the color right... nowadays i have this problem of too many things going on in my mind. so i'm trying to calm down a little. every project one by one. breathe in. breathe out. as for the cover, let's see what happens:)

how are you and your mind doing these days?